We watched our cats Misha and Tippy very closely after the death of our father. Here’s what we discovered…
As some of you may know already, my siblings and I recently lost our father to cancer. Although we are very aware of the effects this loss have on us, we found ourselves asking: do cats grieve?
Do Cats Grieve When Someone Dies?
We think of animals as being separate from the finer points of human emotion, but that’s not entirely true. Cats can feel more complicated emotions such as depression and separation anxiety, so why wouldn’t they feel loss?
In the weeks following our dad’s death, particularly the first week, I noticed Misha was acting different. Tippy is pretty much a space cadet, and she tends to quickly forget pretty much everything. Misha, on the other hand, was very close to dad.
Grandpa’s Favorite
There’s no doubt in my mind that Misha was dad’s favorite. He was always very gentle with her, and she watched over him from the bedside wheelchair during his final days. They had a special kinship, a bond that formed slowly over time.
When my father died, Misha began wandering the house looking for him. She would meow continuously at the kitchen door, expecting him to walk in at breakfast. Each time the door opened and it wasn’t him, she would look disappointed and walk away.
The Different Ways Cats Grieve
Every cat copes with loss of a human differently, but here are a few common symptoms and behaviors that have been noted.
Physical Signs Of Grieving
You may notice your kitty is eating less and sleeping more. A loss of appetite is common for grieving cats, and although cats tend to sleep a lot anyways, excessive sleeping can also be a sign of grieving. Poor or excessive grooming can also happen, as well as urine spraying.
Emotional Signs of Grieving
Emotional signs can be harder to detect. Humans typically rely on facial expressions and vocal cues to determine when someone is depressed. Reading your cat’s moods can be tricky, but these symptoms typically indicate that your cat is grieving:
- Increased vocalization
- Avoidance
- Hiding
- Loss of interest
- Agitation
What To Do For A Grieving Cat
As hard as it can be not to be consumed with your own grieving process, your cat needs your help. Some felines will quickly get over a loss, while others may continue grieving for long periods of time.
Helping Your Cat Cope
One of the biggest ways you can help your cat is by managing your own grief properly. Don’t let the sadness and heartache build up so much that your grief becomes apparent to your cat. Cats tend to pick up on emotional vibes, and they may become distressed if you are visibly so.
We’re not saying that you shouldn’t express your grief; simply take care that you curb any negative behavior when you’re around your cat. As tempting as it can be to cuddle a cat while you cry, it will only end up stressing your cat out. Unwanted attention will only worsen the situation.
Go about your business as normally as possible. Don’t change any routines or take away any personal items too soon. Misha felt the need to sleep on some of dad’s sweatshirts that we had left out, and we obliged her as long as she wanted. After a week or two, we removed the sweatshirts and Misha was fine.
When To Worry
If your cat is refusing to eat, sleep or use the litter box for an extended period of time, take them to the vet immediately. These may be signs of grieving or an underlying illness; either way, your cat needs veterinary attention.
My personal rule of thumb is to take my cat in when they’ve refused four consecutive straight meals. That may seem like a short time to some (they are fed four times a day), but keep in mind that anorexia in cats can quickly have lethal effects. The Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine states:
“Whatever its cause, anorexia can have a severe impact on a mature cat’s health if it persists for as little as 24 hours. For a kitten younger than six weeks of age, food avoidance for just 12 hours can pose a lethal threat.”
It’s better to be safe than sorry.
Glad she’s feeling okay now and this helped shed light on the weight loss of one of the feral cats. I knew they grieved when one of their own dies but not humans. I’ve got a bit of a sad story but here it goes. Last year, me neighbor told me that the only (intact) female in the colony in our area was injured and limping badly. It looked like she was hit by a car, but to make a long story short(er), we couldn’t catch her and she disappeared for over a month. She made a comeback on Christmas day though, limping a bit. It was like a miracle.
Later on in early 2016 and the summer, she got pregnant twice. However, whatever injuries she sustained prevents her from giving birth properly. During the summer incident in particular, we could see her nearly wet all over but clearly in some discomfort. After both ordeals, she was visibly sad and very communal with the others in the colony (she’s feisty otherwise). She even let me and my neighbor get very close to her, and chirps as if she’s calling to her kittens. With it, there was some weight loss.
She’s pregnant now for the third time so we’ll see how it goes. The shed has fresh hay in it so perhaps she’d choose it to give birth and perhaps we’ll finally catch her after nearly 8 years.
Poor kitty. 🙁 Yeah, cats definitely grieve the loss of their fellow felines, and a mother’s grief transcends any species-specific borders. You could ask your local animal shelter or Humane Society if they have any humane traps that you could catch her with. Otherwise, there’s got to be something online where it teaches you how to make your own humane traps.
We’ve tried everything but a drop trap. Trouble is, we’re in a building complex with fairly limited area that the trap would potentially scare off the entire colony for good. She’s a very cautious one generally. The already neutered ones take the bait all the time!
A fishing net trapping may work, but I can’t find any with a zipper at the bottom. Those exist, or perhaps existed so I’m keeping an eye out for one online. Once caught, a local cat rescue will take care of the rest (they helped find homes for her many kittens in the past).
I am sure cats have feelings — and more so than some humans. I hate to see a stray cat fossicking for food after being abandoned after that cute, playful kitten stage. And there are people who only want a “designer” cat — bet it Siamese, Ragdoll and so on. Perhaps that’s what they want but there are some beautiful shelter cats that can have a place in your heart.
My warm regards to all,
Barrie,
Port Melbourne
Victoria
AUSTRALIA
Our cat would not go into the living room each time my dad went into hospital once he was home she was happy. But when he went for the last time, she waited and waited for him to come home. For weeks and weeks it was obvious she was missing him, she was off her food and never went into the room again. The vet said there was no such thing as a cat declining because their human had die. She passed away a couple of months later, not an old cat but I think from a broken heart.
Cats are such amazing creatures. Many people think of them as unfeeling and/or aloof, but when they pick their favorite human, they love them with all they have. My condolences on the passing of your father and your sweet kitty.
When my husband passed away my cat cries, and cries in the room where he passed
Its, weird because the cat loved my husband, and the cat drove my husband nuts.
But my cat is so gentle,
He doesn’t cry like he does in that room.
It makes me so sad.
I’ve taken in my brother’s cats, one keeps waking me in the middle of the night. He died in his sleep, and I’m wondering if she is making sure I’m okay. I’ve had her for 3 years now and she does it almost every night.